Carefree Caresses & Careful Goodbyes

Sidestepped you drive off into a
Delusional sunset
Dawn breaks over your face and then
Nothing?

I'll say I understand,
you'll pretend to comprehend
the myriad of overflowing thoughts
Crowding the abyss of my mind and thinking
Shall I dwell? Nay,
I shant, for the weak dwell in the
crevasses of their overly complicated complications

Apathy, that's the word
They knew it best
I'd spent much time drawing your description
But it's simple, you see

Simultaneously I cannot state
the reasons I want to hear
trickling down a chocolate river
rich with delicacy and deliberation

Ah, that's the feeling that once was
Now falling behind
A child running to its mother,
only to find
a stern engraving in a carved stone
carefully crafting the history in my mind

Carefree caresses turn to careful goodbyes
Stuck in the throat of time
Find the reasons to say
Dreams aren't always the way
To clear yesterday's today

Sentiments you shared not
But realize I don't stop
to smell the flowers from last week

It's time to say
This lovesong is done
Best wishes, good luck, good day

Hunger For Joy

Dried lips, milky teeth, and a calm stare
Countdown to the day I
Dream, not think, of a blue plane
Sharing some kind of hue to
Make a heart beat carefully
Calculated traces of silver
Lining the chambers of my heart
Thinking, "Where go you?"

Simper, and breathe louder
and softer
and sweeter
and simpler
Simply to see
me

No use, infiltrating the leaves of my thoughts
Writing a sensitive symphony of
Brown sugar candies holding out
For me.

Resolution for the strength to carry the wits of a thousand laughs,
a million seconds saved
Wondering if I should conceal, reveal, or lie

Flimsy things these heartstrings are
Plucking a chord inside a youthful, eternal, forever spring
But see, life is stronger than emotions,
or so I convince myself

These days, I'll scale the surface of this screen
Water stays still and
Vibrations will be stifled
By the hunger for
Joy.

Good Luck Goodbye

Words

The words I would say

The words I planned to say

But so are you

Too many thoughts

Climb inside the abyss in my mind

Searching for a softer soul,

A softer lie,

A never goodbye

Tension runs up my sleeves

And down my arms

And then repreives

I tried

To find empty thoughts on an empty plane of

Geometry I can't explain

What are the things I mean to say?

To leave my lips peacefully

Grace shadows underneath my sleet

And I,

I see mirages

Drown the paintings I last

Saw in a somewhat silhouette

They fall

Maybe I fall?

But maybe I don't-

I never sent away the key

I never tried to take your sleep

Just rested my head on your mind

And never, never, keep...

Let the monstre eating away at my fears

Find the drain and make a home down there

Somehow-

I'll remember truth

Somehow-

I'll remember you

I'll get to you even if nowhere

Freezes my mind

And takes the hammer, shatters it to pieces

Will you pick me up?

Will you whispers words of silent reverie?

And forget a good luck goodbye

It's coming back...

To me.

Sometimes

Sometimes I'm tired

Too tired to be strong

Can I get someone to be my strength?

Dammed enough tears,

Chastised the shriveled figure

A saltwater pool of ache

Sometimes I won't blame myself

Taint another soul

And anoint me the angel

White as the clouds I lay my dreams on

Hard words wreck the mind

Another lie, another love to caress

And maybe there'll be bandages

Sometimes I wish for vulnerability

Gray shades the smile lines in my frown

Save another tomorrow for today

Erase last night's REM nightmare

A boy in a corner carrying his life

On the edge of a thread

And threading me into his misery

Not mine to take

Sometimes I don't want the whole truth

Laugh at the fantasy of complete positivity

Cry at the thought of honesty

Wait, whose honesty? These eyes read

Between the lies sifting through the

Electronic system their thoughts process in

I know, I know, I know their truth

Ignorance instead calms my soul

Reaffirms my heart her her undying duty

Die another tomorrow, live double today

Weep some kind of yesterday,

And keep history forever ingrained in that

Crevice in the mind you'll never access,

But absolutely must.

Sometimes I want care,

Helpless little girl I never was

I was too busy hammering the steel

Into my chest's shining armor

What's that? I wear the chain metal?

Do you think me the knight?

You'd think with pretty eyes

And soulless mind I'd be the man,

A gallantry of idiocracy,

Don't insult the egotistic complex

You believe me to possess

My reputation's taught you well, no less

Sometimes I want understanding

The inner meaning I conceal in an

Aquamarine façade I colored

One hazy summer afternoon

Blindness afflicts your eyes, your mind

Unable to penetrate the gold in my heart

The gems I hide, reveal only to the deserving,

The ones who swim close to the border

Between appearance and reality

Sometimes I want to be.

Corner in My Heart

There's a corner in my heart

Stifled for the years of my life

Striving to be delicate, striving to be sweet

Striving to be hopeless, striving to be meek

Melt the ice queen, illuminate my fears

Turn back my mind, wipe all these tears

Make a heart of gold, make the girl smile

Watch in pure bliss, stay for a little while

Dreaming of the fearless, tall and dark and brave

Wanting to be vulnerable, the time this heart has made

Fill in the missing corner, these corners of my heart

Mend my weaknesses, rise back what fate will start

The words strung in my head, peaking at 3 a.m.

Striving to be brave for me, for him and her learning

Driving down a broken road, breaking the inevitable falls

Igniting the oil in my soul, tearing down the Berlin walls

Finding a reason to be happy, to cry in front of you

All the things I never said, all these are truths

Writing down the miseries, counting down the hours

Till I break free from my shell, till I lend my voice

Create a nation of truehearts, symphony of noise

Go on and curve the corners of my heart

They weren't built that strong

But live on they will, in my own words

Firing my will

My will to stay the person

I thought I was meant to be

What I convinced myself I must

Stay to stay just me

To please the ones whose trust I sought

To gain with no return

these words I write to me, not you

So selfish I must remain

The thoughts inside my aching head

Build a new homestead

Haven for the troubled thoughts

The ones I sought to hide

Haven for the darkest words

In no one I could confide

So I'll open this corner of my heart

Perhaps just for a day

Let the river of passion run wild

Then write it to press replay

Temporary Sorrow

Squeeze the salt out my swollen eyes

Flashes of misery, what are the reasons?

That distorted my focus, my perspective

My selfish prerogative

The banks of my eyes are dry

Leaving remnants behind

Fragments of a temporary sorrow

Inscribing you in my mind

Strange, only this morning

Did I stare into your sleep-deprived eyes

And swallow the tears in my cappuccino

And wish it were the way it was before

The words you write fill the dam in my eyes,

Complete the empty space in my heart,

Flood the drought of sugar in my voice,

Free the unborn bird in my mind

Lyrics of the Younger

It's not over yet

I've but stroked the surface of reality

Knocking at my unborn door

Waiting on an answer

My arms are swimming

But my mind refuses

Life is too sweet to watch it pass by

Like a long summer afternoon

Where did my summer go?

It's fall, but I'm still living in a

Summer kind of haze

Dazed by the rush of blood to the head

A singer's recollection of yesterdays left unsaid

They read like lyrics and I think

Maybe I can write a song

A melody for the slightest productivity

Alleviate my stillness

Sitting in a pool of broken sand

It's hardly the second half

The second part of a secondary year

But I reach over sparks

And see the sun embrace my tears and

Wipe them on the clouds I dream on

Sailing through the miseries of

A universal truth

A kind of panacea

I wish it could exist

But I won't live in fantasies

And cradle my thoughts in maybes

Lather the rims of forgotten tries

And make amends those attempts to

Drive the connection into

Something I cannot comprehend

So I just ride the wind into a thousand paths

And take on whichever breeze pleases me

And the weights crushing my shoulders

Celebrate their pay day and I

Breathe and feign weariness when I know

I lack retention of

The words they manifest

In my favor, no less

Pick out the imperfections

Because that's how I'm wired to be

See the miniscule cracks in a lake

Mirroring my trains of desire

My maladies flow down my cheeks

Etching a sort of canyon

But I drown myself in lyrics of the younger

A youthful sort of sincere

Of happiness and remedies

And freedom for us all

Take back what I have lost

And be happy, I say

Smile.